Curated from: Sexual Wellness Blog - Jenny Keane
Buying Your First Sex Toy Or Looking To Change to Something New?
Whether you are purchasing your first sex toy or looking to find something new most people are following someone else’s lead, someone else’s advice, someone else’s recommendation…and that is great, with thousands of toys on the market it can often feel overwhelming when you do not know where to start so hearing other people’s experiences with toys can help narrow the playing field.
However, the most important thing that you will discover when it comes to your sexuality is that Your Pleasure Is Unique so what another body finds pleasurable may not be right for you, or visa versa.
In a world where we all have different likes, dislikes, desires, curiosities and interests, and where those preferences change often, I have put together a sex toy questionnaire that is designed to ask you the right questions to guide you towards the pleasure products that are right for YOU.
First Things First
The Right Questions
Before you start browsing the very first step is to have a think about what you are looking for from a sex toy. We can assume most people want something that is going to get them off – but how? Are you looking for something for solo masturbation or a toy to share with partners? Are you hoping to try a specific sensation or experience such as anal play? Have you struggled with achieving orgasm in the past and want something reliable that will help you get there. Take some time to ask yourself a few questions about what you want and it will help you to narrow down your choices. Here are a few to get you started:
What turns you on now?
When you are engaging in self pleasure, what part of your genitals or body desire attention in order to feel turned on? Do you like Clit Stimulation? Or do you prefer internal stimulation? Do you enjoy nipple play? etc
Do you have a pleasure intention? Is there something you have not experienced, or do not know if you have experienced and would like to? For example, g-spot orgasm? sensitise nipples? Cervical Orgasm?
What sexual acts or experiences are you curious about? Anal sex or pegging? Spanking? Bondage? Etc
Where do you get time for self pleasure? Before bed? In the bath? This will determine if a toy being waterproof is important to you.
Do certain materials turn you on? Cold? Textured? Smooth? Tickle-y?
Is ease of cleaning important to you? Some toys are a little more high maintenance than others, knowing what you have time for and if you have time to take care of your pleasure product is important.
Is the handle important?
Is the weight important?
Do you want to use it primarily for yourself, or within a partnered experience?
The Types of Toys
An External Vibrator – These types of vibrators are designed primarily for using on the clitoris, but don’t let that stop you. They can be rubbed or tickled over any part of the body that you like including penises, nipples, and necks. The most common types are bullet or pebble shaped vibrators. They are great at providing consistent, reliable and pleasurable stimulation. An external vibe is also a great choice for a first vibrator if you want to use it during sex with a partner.
An Internal or G-Spot Vibrator – An internal vibrator combines the pleasure of penetration with the boosted sensations of a vibe. An internal vibrator is fabulous if you want to explore g-spot stimulation. There is nothing to stop you using one on your clitoris either – so you can get the best of both!
A Dildo – A dildo is designed for penetration. If you want to buy a sex toy to learn to experience sensual based pleasure over fiction based pleasure this is a great place to start. If you feel your masturbation sessions are missing that fabulous full sensation, a dildo is the perfect companion. A really great way to slow down your self pleasure session and turn towards sensation.
A Masturbation Sleeve – It can sometimes feel like there is a lot of stigma around men who want to buy sex toys for themselves. But if you have a penis a masturbation sleeve can be the best way to turn the humble hand-job into a luxury experience.
Sex toys can range from super cheap to super expensive. It can be hard to know how much to spend when buying one, especially for the first time. It may be tempting to go for the cheapest option, particularly if you are not sure you are going to enjoy something. Alternatively it can feel like something with a high price tag must be guaranteed to be great! Here are some things to keep in mind: Very cheap sex toys are something to watch out for, not only will they probably not last long but they may be made from cheaper materials, (see the guide about body safe sex toys here) On the other hand, super expensive toys don’t guarantee results either, if you are not quite sure what kind of thing you would enjoy, price is no guarantee of pleasure. A few pointers to keep in mind are:
Battery powered toys are generally cheaper than rechargeable ones. However, they are also often less powerful and you have to factor in keeping a supply of batteries on hand. Having said that, battery powered vibrators are often quieter.
Plastic is probable going to be the cheapest body-safe material you can choose. Silicone toys used to be a lot more expensive, but these days there are lots of more affordable options out there so don’t rule it out.
Buying your first sex toy should be all about pleasure. Whether you enjoy a product doesn’t just come down to the things it can do. What it looks and feels like is important as well. If you love bright colours, rainbow stripes, sparkles, sleek lines or interesting textures, let your preferences guide you. Even if everyone tells you that product X is the best thing since sliced bread, if looking at it turns you off – feel free choose something else! If just looking at a product makes you smile, that is a great sign that you are going to want to reach for it again and again.
Watch Out For…
All the bells and whistles – While it might seem like more = better this is not always the case. It can be tempting, if you are unsure to go for the toy that promises it can do everything and cover all the bases. If you know that you love the combination of thrusting, clitoral stimulation and g-spotting all at the same time, fantastic – go for that dual action auto-thrusting vibe. If you are unsure however – we recommend keeping it simple. Choose a product that does its job well and experiment with the sensations you enjoy.
Power = Pleasure – When you read the product descriptions for a lot of sex toys it can give you the impression that the more powerful a vibrator is the better is must be. This is not always the case. Some people love the deep rumbling powerful vibrations that you can get from a large wand vibrator. For other people even the lowest settings on one of these bad-boys would be uncomfortable rather than pleasurable. For first time buyers, look for a vibrator which offers a range of settings so you can find what works for you.
The Best – Be wary of any sex toy that promises it is the best, full stop, for everyone, ever. Don’t get me wrong, there are some outstanding products out there, but everyone experiences pleasure differently. There is no one perfect toy that will work for everybody and you are not broken if you don’t enjoy the thing that Cosmo promised was the best ever.
What your sex toys are made from is important. Body-safe sex toys means that they are made from non-porous materials which are free from potentially harmful chemicals. Porous materials like jelly or rubber can harbour bacteria and fungus and cause recurring infections. When choosing a sex toy look for ones made from silicone, hard plastic, metal or glass which are all non-porous and safe to use. For more information check out our guide to sex toy materials.
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